Today, I realized I was a switch. And it may have cost me my little.

[Daddy Ivey]

I’ve been with my little girl for a few months, but we’ve known each other for years. The more time I’ve spent helping her do her little activities, the more I’ve realized that I may have a little side as well. When telling her about this, she took it very poorly and became distant, and I’m afraid she isn’t going to stay with me. I’m saddened at the thought of losing her, but also confused with myself at this moment. If anyone has any advice, I’d love to hear it.

[Little kaiya]

Some littles are ok with their caregivers being a switch and some aren't. Just as you need to do what will be right for you so does your little.

 

A lot will probably depend on the expectations that you have for your little. Do you want to spend time with them on a little/little basis? Do you want them to be your caregiver? Do you just want space to have little time on your own? Having that conversation about expectations, on both sides, will be really important.

 

Personally, I couldn't be with a partner who is my caregiver and a switch. I need to be able to see my partner and caregiver as the authority figure and seeing them in littlespace would cause me a lot of cognitive dissonance.

 

It sounds like the two of you need a serious adult to adult discussion outside of the DDlg dynamic to figure out where you both stand as well as what your hard and soft limits related to this will be.

[Xtal228]

Wanting to switch is common. I know plenty of daddies that like to wear diapers and be in little space. If the DDLG dynamic is apart of a sexual fantasy, the idea of a daddy wearing can change the perception of the dynamic. If she understands the therapeutic value, she will understand in time. It's best not to force anything on you partner. That way she's more likely to warm up to the idea. 

[Lollipox]

It can be difficult to witness your dom being as a little or sub and effect your pov of them. It’s true but unpleasant, and not applicable to all.

Or she might be afraid that you’ll ask her to domme/mommy for you, when she herself isn’t a switch or has no interest in that role. Which can stem from personal insecurities surrounding them feeling Little or not Little enough, and the idea of being dominant amping those insecurities.

 

It’s worthwhile to get her to discuss her feelings around it though, to determine what it is that’s put her off. Maybe there’s some way to reassure her?

I know it kinda feels backwards to be the one supporting her when she’s the one not communicating properly, but someone’s gotta start. And her reaction to you wanting to discuss it (like deviating from the topic) will be rather telling in itself.

[D&Daddy]

My suggestions in the short term are:

 

First look inward and see if you can figure out what's going on in your mind, do you have a little side, if so what does that little side want and need? It might also be possible that you don't necessarily have a little side but you instead enjoy doing little activities and behaviours with your little but still in your role as daddy. I've got that and the way I thought about it to figure that out was: if something happened and my little needed me, would I be able to snap back to being her daddy and looking after her or would there be a disconnect because I'd have to switch out of a little mindset into a daddy mindset? In my case the answer was yes I could snap back so that told me that while I was being silly and perhaps acting little, I was still in a daddy mindset. That might not be a thought process that works for you but I think it's worth considering. In the short term don't take long thinking about this (as in don't take several days or weeks before you consider the second suggestion but it is also something to think about long term too).

 

Second even if you don't have answers to the first suggestion yet you need to talk your thinking out to your little, tell her what you're feeling, why you think you're feeling it or what brings it out, even if you don't have any answers to the first suggestion tell her that; not knowing is still information that should be communicated. She might feel like a part of her life that she thought was secure is now rocky and she's unsure of things now hence the distance. As people have said above communication is key, you need an adult to adult conversation.

 

Now the long term suggestions are:

 

You take more time to figure out what all this means to you as you were doing in the first suggestion. Think things through, consider different times, maybe talk to some friends, maybe some little friends who can communicate what being little feels to them and see if that lines up. I think a big tell would be: Can you be little on your own or can you only find it when you're with your little?

 

You figure out both in your own mind and through discussing with your little if your dynamic is one that will still make you both happy and talk through any potential changes you or she might desire/require. This is a long term thing, don't rush it, but also don't sit on it for fear of things going sour because at the end of the day if you do have a little side that you want to indulge and you smother if because you're afraid of your little leaving you, you probably will end up resenting her for it or something along those lines.

[Switchydaddy]

If she does not support you like you support her.. Maybe its time for y'all to have a talk.. This talk can go many different ways of course, there is more then one way to find, this. You could talk and she will be ok with it and maybe try to switch with you. You could talk about being poly or open and maybe finding yourself a Dom(me) with her permission of course or she doesn't support you and then its time for you to go your separate ways..

 

Either way you need to communicate with her and she needs to communicate with you. Cause if they don't support you.. Then they are not the one for you..

 

This is coming from being a switch myself, I know how hard it can be, but just know everything is gonna be ok.

[DaddyFoxx]

[RavenHollow]

Im sorry to hear that but there's nothing wrong with being a switch. In fact im talking to someone who is openly a switch and likes both sexes as well. And I have no trouble calling him Daddy and all we are doing is talking because he is in Canada and im in Texas. I love his personality and energy. He lights up a room. And I know that some like a switch and some don't.

[Kai the Human]

I agree with everything Little Kaiya said, and would like to add that, if you talk it over and it doesn't seem like things will work out, it's important to get some distance before things get too tangled. A few months can seem like a long time at the start, but you need to create space where you're not trying to suppress parts of yourself for someone else. This isn't healthy for you or the other person. Better to end things sooner than wait to break down later on down the road when your relationship is much more involved.

 

It's great that you've discovered this side of yourself. I hope you're able to nurture it, and I wish you luck with your situation. Feel free to keep us updated.

[Guest littlescarecrow]

One of my friends Is a a switch. i admit that sometimes i wish he Leandro to a dominant switch side, i Have learnt to balance his switch sides on my favour

 

Talk to your partner about you being a switch to find a balance