Everything feels like it's too much.

[AltLofiSparks]

You know just when I feel as though things are going great again, that slight glimmer of hope you give it time and it just starts to fall apart.

People say things in life happen for a reason, but why? I don't learn anything from it, I don't gain anything, I just keep losing things. My time, my energy, my mental health, people everything and it just drags me down until I have nothing. And I'm just expected to keep on walking like I've always been and just not look back right?

To let things run it's course and it'll get better or do something to make it better for yourself. I've done both and yet I'm still stuck and end up right back right where I am. It gets better and then it stops and I just keep going because that's all I know how to do.

Don't stop because it's just going to catch up with me. Keep pushing or else I'll get pulled down, keep running or else I'll be left behind and I'll never be able to catch up. Keep working no matter the circumstances because nothing else matters but a roof over my head and my performance to keep my job. Yet I'm declining, have to pull myself up by my bootstraps and quit whining. 

I even have to keep my expectations low for when I meet other people because when I make them too high and create this image it's a complete and it's a total let down. A sham and a lie, and I hate liars. When people talk with words that sound nice it doesn't make them true, but it's hard to spot the liars when they are texting you. But to openly admit and changing stories right when we talk on the phone is absolutely wrong, I remember everything. It doesn't take long to scroll through texts to point out a lie. Having attachments to people plays out like a violin, one wrong stroke and they'll send you screeching and your heart bleeding. Then I cut those strings and suddenly I'm the bad guy, I'd rather cut ties than give more chances. Not say okay and forgive people when they take my kindness for granted. A zero tolerance policy, one and done, I'm tired of wasting my time on people. I open my heart out to people but I'm careful, they wonder why until they answer their own questions. I hate surprises, I hate liars, I hate half truths. Why can't anyone respect it and just communicate and be honest? I value it so much and it's not a lot to ask. Lying is manipulation, making me believe what you want me to is manipulation. But people mess up, and it only take a split second for me to notice because I remember things. And I can't be around people like that, I don't care if it was no harm no foul, it was lies and it hurt because I believed something and could've committed to something I knew I didn't want to all because of multiple lies and half truths all because they wanted something and were trying to use me. I'm not being trapped in something I can't get out of. Big decisions could've been made had I not known this information and just continued on without thinking because I thought everything was going okay and I would've been stuck.

Even work hasn't gotten any better. As much as I love my job I'm losing my motivation to get up. I'm mentally, emotionally and physically drained every single day, forced to wear a smile on front of each and every client and act like I'm not in pain or extremely exhausted. I have no more spoons. I go to work with no spoons. My performance is slowing down, I'm not eating, I haven't been able to take any breaks. My days off consists of sleeping and I still feel exhausted because I'm not recovering my own energy and dealing with people, socializing constantly is pushing me over the edge. I can't even leave my room. I don't have enough spoons to hang out with my friends, I had to force myself to color my roommates hair even though I wanted nothing to do with it because it was my day off and I just didn't want to be around people. I wanted me time. I'm just pretending, masking away wishing the day would end so I can just go back home and not come out. I work so many hours in the salon and my regional manager isn't even working to hire anyone. My salon manager and I are so overworked it's affecting everything. My own personal life just doesn't exist anymore, it just doesn't matter at this point, anything that goes on in it doesn't matter I just still have to show up to open and manage the salon and take care of my clientele.

That balanced life I had is no longer there. It's why I loved it so much, I had balance between work and personal life. And I'm just supposed to deal with that and everything else that happening right now on top of it. And all I get from my regional manager is "wow your store is doing so well in sales and clientele with just you and (salon manager) ever since we fired (coworker who had fake license, who screwed everything up for us in the first place). You guys have gotten extremely busy. we're going to get you guys shirts because you guys also won that contest last month in sales blah blah blah". That's all we get. Stupid dumb shirts, no word of a new hire, nothing. Word of praise, and that's it. I don't want praise of the crap I have to do, I want a break!! My salon manager needs a break! It's just us two and one big salon working ridiculous hours and no one to help us out!! And no one wants to come to this store to help balance us out!! And I can't just quit because it's the only salon that actually pays well hourly plus tips even though they give cruddy commission on retail (which I don't bother ever selling because it's literally $1-$2 per item sold. Literally nothing)  and I can't just leave my salon manager on her own when there's no one to replace me!! My regional manager is doing NOTHING to hire new stylists!! She's useless and we hate her most if not all of the dang time! I'm burning out. I can't keep doing this. 

Life has ups and downs?! So when is it supposed to get better huh??? I'm going through all of this again for the millionth time, there's no life lessons to be had, nothing I can learn from or anything!! I just have to deal with it because I don't have any other choice! It's becoming too much again. What is there to do? 

[Tendillo]

Hi lofi. I'm sorry everything feels so hard for you right now and I do know how it feels to be stuck like a hamster on a wheel spinning endlessly round and round, unable to stop, every minute seemingly taken up even before it arrives, wondering where and when you just get to feel like yourself again.

All I do know is that is does get better. I can't say when that is or will be but it can and does happen. As for what we learn from our pain and hardships? Sometimes we don't see that until we're  a ways down the road and we look back to realise what we went through and how we coped. Often we start to see the valuable lesson it has taught us, how it made us somehow stronger, like steel that has been tempered in fire. 

Don't give up on people, just because some of them let you down. Don't shut yourself off from opportunity, just because you got burned the last time. Don't lose the ability to trust, to be open to possibility; just keep your guard up and let them prove themselves to you. Remember that you are your own best friend, so try not to let the negative actions of others drag you down.

Life is always changing, even when we don't see it. People are always changing, even ourselves, even when we don't feel it. Nothing lasts for ever, that's the nature of this existence isn't it? The bad times come and go like the tide on a beach and hopefully we can recognise and enjoy the good times and the good people when they wash upon our shore, however briefly.

So, please try not to feel lost in all of this right now. Life is testing you, challenging you, bringing out the best in you, even though it may not feel that way at the moment. These are opportunities for growth and finding out what you have inside. yourself 

[BabyPoppy]

On 6/3/2026 at 3:39 PM, AltLofiSparks said:

You know just when I feel as though things are going great again, that slight glimmer of hope you give it time and it just starts to fall apart.

People say things in life happen for a reason, but why? I don't learn anything from it, I don't gain anything, I just keep losing things. My time, my energy, my mental health, people everything and it just drags me down until I have nothing. And I'm just expected to keep on walking like I've always been and just not look back right?

To let things run it's course and it'll get better or do something to make it better for yourself. I've done both and yet I'm still stuck and end up right back right where I am. It gets better and then it stops and I just keep going because that's all I know how to do.

Don't stop because it's just going to catch up with me. Keep pushing or else I'll get pulled down, keep running or else I'll be left behind and I'll never be able to catch up. Keep working no matter the circumstances because nothing else matters but a roof over my head and my performance to keep my job. Yet I'm declining, have to pull myself up by my bootstraps and quit whining. 

I even have to keep my expectations low for when I meet other people because when I make them too high and create this image it's a complete and it's a total let down. A sham and a lie, and I hate liars. When people talk with words that sound nice it doesn't make them true, but it's hard to spot the liars when they are texting you. But to openly admit and changing stories right when we talk on the phone is absolutely wrong, I remember everything. It doesn't take long to scroll through texts to point out a lie. Having attachments to people plays out like a violin, one wrong stroke and they'll send you screeching and your heart bleeding. Then I cut those strings and suddenly I'm the bad guy, I'd rather cut ties than give more chances. Not say okay and forgive people when they take my kindness for granted. A zero tolerance policy, one and done, I'm tired of wasting my time on people. I open my heart out to people but I'm careful, they wonder why until they answer their own questions. I hate surprises, I hate liars, I hate half truths. Why can't anyone respect it and just communicate and be honest? I value it so much and it's not a lot to ask. Lying is manipulation, making me believe what you want me to is manipulation. But people mess up, and it only take a split second for me to notice because I remember things. And I can't be around people like that, I don't care if it was no harm no foul, it was lies and it hurt because I believed something and could've committed to something I knew I didn't want to all because of multiple lies and half truths all because they wanted something and were trying to use me. I'm not being trapped in something I can't get out of. Big decisions could've been made had I not known this information and just continued on without thinking because I thought everything was going okay and I would've been stuck.

Even work hasn't gotten any better. As much as I love my job I'm losing my motivation to get up. I'm mentally, emotionally and physically drained every single day, forced to wear a smile on front of each and every client and act like I'm not in pain or extremely exhausted. I have no more spoons. I go to work with no spoons. My performance is slowing down, I'm not eating, I haven't been able to take any breaks. My days off consists of sleeping and I still feel exhausted because I'm not recovering my own energy and dealing with people, socializing constantly is pushing me over the edge. I can't even leave my room. I don't have enough spoons to hang out with my friends, I had to force myself to color my roommates hair even though I wanted nothing to do with it because it was my day off and I just didn't want to be around people. I wanted me time. I'm just pretending, masking away wishing the day would end so I can just go back home and not come out. I work so many hours in the salon and my regional manager isn't even working to hire anyone. My salon manager and I are so overworked it's affecting everything. My own personal life just doesn't exist anymore, it just doesn't matter at this point, anything that goes on in it doesn't matter I just still have to show up to open and manage the salon and take care of my clientele.

That balanced life I had is no longer there. It's why I loved it so much, I had balance between work and personal life. And I'm just supposed to deal with that and everything else that happening right now on top of it. And all I get from my regional manager is "wow your store is doing so well in sales and clientele with just you and (salon manager) ever since we fired (coworker who had fake license, who screwed everything up for us in the first place). You guys have gotten extremely busy. we're going to get you guys shirts because you guys also won that contest last month in sales blah blah blah". That's all we get. Stupid dumb shirts, no word of a new hire, nothing. Word of praise, and that's it. I don't want praise of the crap I have to do, I want a break!! My salon manager needs a break! It's just us two and one big salon working ridiculous hours and no one to help us out!! And no one wants to come to this store to help balance us out!! And I can't just quit because it's the only salon that actually pays well hourly plus tips even though they give cruddy commission on retail (which I don't bother ever selling because it's literally $1-$2 per item sold. Literally nothing)  and I can't just leave my salon manager on her own when there's no one to replace me!! My regional manager is doing NOTHING to hire new stylists!! She's useless and we hate her most if not all of the dang time! I'm burning out. I can't keep doing this. 

Life has ups and downs?! So when is it supposed to get better huh??? I'm going through all of this again for the millionth time, there's no life lessons to be had, nothing I can learn from or anything!! I just have to deal with it because I don't have any other choice! It's becoming too much again. What is there to do? 

This is sooo much! You are carrying so much! I here it in your words and it seems so overwhelming! I wish i could jump through this message and hug you tight, tell you all the beautiful words @Tendillo shared, and feed you some comfort foods. Since that's not how messaging works... I want to share with you a mindfulness activity I use sometimes.  This is just a suggestion, so please take it as a gift, not as another thing you have to do. 

Healing light meditation. 

Sit somewhere warm and cozy.

Close your eyes and breath deeply 3 - 5 times.

Imagine a warm, golden light shining above you. The light is gently warming the air around you. As you feel the light on your head and skin, let yourself relax a bit. 

Imagine where the light is coming from, the source of this warm, gentle light. It's a bottomless pitcher of light energy, pouring out right onto you, the top of your head. As you feel this light enter your body, starting at your head, let the light heal your exhaustion,  your emotional fatigue,  your physical pain, your depression,  your hurt feelings. Let the light soothe you and heal you of all these things. Let it renew your soul and bring balance to your body and mind. 

Slowly allow the light to spread through your body, healing every part of you as it spreads down your head, face and neck. Then to your shoulders, chest and back. Slowly out your arms, hands and fingers, relaxing you as it goes. It brings freedom to your body, rest, and restored health.

Let the light keep going down your body, pausing at sore spots for extra time. Once it's through your feet, imagine how strong and healthy, yet at peace you feel with your energy returned to you.

Take 3 slow deep breaths and slowly open your eyes. Notice your body and how good it feels. Sit peacefully for a few minutes if possible enjoying the feel of your renewed strength.  (I sometimes use this to help me sleep at night and just allow myself to rest.)

 

Again, this isn't a solution, only an idea... I only want to help. I am not offended if you hate the idea. I am here if you need to talk.