Anxious Attachment style

[redruffle41]

Hi Friends

I'm struggling with an anxious attachment style.  It has been with me since my first boyfriend when I was 20 and his followed me through every relationship ( there's been like, three. Lol)

The way it shows up for me is one moment I will be feeling great, confident, secure about my dating relationship, happy in my life. And then suddenly I'll get triggered. It could be getting annoyed in a delayed response, not getting an answer I expect....basically any disappointment. And then I'll start feeling horrible. It feels like the relationship is all wrong.  It can be hard to voice my needs in that moment. Or even just say how I'm feeling. I've gotten better at mindfulness (DBT therapy, yay). So I do pretty well with emotional regulation and checking the facts etc. 

You guys I'm just so discouraged and sad about having this issue. It's soooo hard to pull myself out of my insecurity. It's so hard to distinguish between my anxiety vs actual relationship needs not being met. When I'm dating someone there's a lot of good moments and feelings. But this negativity always seems to pop it's head up. It affects me deeply. I become very overwhelmed, I cant think about anything else, I feel tense like I'm strung out just waiting for the other person to relieve my misery. It's helpless, and hopeless and desperate.

When it gets bad I get so upset that I can't engage with my kid. That's a very horrible guilty thing. Even my dog can tell something is wrong. It's like the light inside me suddenly turns off. I need to disengage with everyone because my internal focus is so zeroed in on this person, whether the relationship is good or if I should leave it. I'm trying to solve my anguish and trying to solve the problem... But it's like my frontal lobe sucks at solving this problem because this isn't just 2+2=4. In fact I don't even know what the problem is because I feel so bad that the overwhelm becomes the problem...... It's affecting my quality of life. 

Can anyone else relate??? Is there light at the end of the tunnel with this issue?? Is a healthy relationship even possible? Am I always going to struggle with this and if so is it fair to ask my partner to help me out?