Something to get off my chest.

[PRINCESSNICKIE]

Hiya,

I'm a little who goes between the ages of 3 and 8. I have a supportive family and boyfriend who is also my caregiver daddy. However, it's still easy for me to feel alone and isolated. I struggle with chronic back pains, gout, ADHD, and bipolar. I have struggled with chronic back pains since I was in high school and had late diagnosis of bipolar and ADHD. The funny story about my ADHD is that it was on my record as history of ADHD but none of my doctors bothered to tell me about it so I don't even know how or when it mysteriously appeared on my medical records. I am going through pain management and medication but for being in a place like the US territory of Guam it is difficult to get good treatment. I got used to my pain though it has it moments when I can't take it, but my ADHD and bipolar seem to weighing on my much more. It feels like no one understands me and it's understandable because I didn't even understand me. I thought I was just broken or something was wrong with me. Turns out there is something wrong and it was all undiagnosed mental disorders. After the late diagnosis my childhood and everything else in my life made more sense the more I learned about ADHD and bipolar. Incidents where I thought I was just a horrible person or stupid were moments where ADHD and bipolar symptoms were triggered. Now I feel like people don't understand me because they have associated my behavior with that's just how I am, how I choose to be. So far my parents and my boyfriend try the most to understand me and I try my best to communicate with them. I feel like I have no friends because at the point when I first got diagnosed with bipolar my friends didn't give me the support they gave our other friend going through a life threatening illness. I always told myself it's nothing to compare to what my other friend was going through but I needed them too and they weren't there. I was there for them when my back pains were at their worst and just because they didn't completely understand bipolar, they didn't think I needed them as much as I did. As a result, I left that group and when I see their social media posts I miss those days but don't miss them. It hurts when they cut me out of their posts and photos like I never existed but it's all for the best, I tell myself. 

Now I have my parents, my boyfriend, and about 3 friends but not any I was as close to as my other group. I have been feeling alone and isolated recently because my back pains have been getting worse and my car is in the shop so I can't drive anywhere. I want to call someone but everyone is busy with their life and jobs while I am a stay at home online college student currently taking a break from school because I started new medication with side effects that are kicking my behind. At the moment, I feel extremely tired but can't sleep through the night. I wake up 3-5 times a night and I wake up to early. When I want to take a nap, I can't even when I am exhausted. Being alone and tired gets me sinking into a mental state I don't like visiting. There will be times I am too afraid to leave my room because there are so many sharp objects. There are times when I am laying down in bed and afraid to move because I am inches away from a concrete wall and have extra pillows. I know it is all a process and I tell myself it's going to get better, but it's just so hard. I try to stimulate myself but sometimes it doesn't work or I don't have the physical capacity for it. Sometimes I think maybe if I had more friends to talk to it would make it better. My old friends I was closed to didn't know too much about little space and saw it more like a kink and didn't understand it so I didn't tell them about the little side of me. Only one of my friends and my boyfriend know about my little side.

If you are a little or middle interested in a friend or pen pal, I would love to meet you as well as my little side. She could definitely use some friends to interact with.

Also thank you for reading my long rant

[BambiBitesBack]

Hello!

I’m also a little with ADHD (AuDHD) And Bipolar disorder! I’m BP2 with a few other things, and I definitely understand how difficult it can be juggling everything together :,) I’m also a full-time online college student right now! I’ve been on break but my next semester starts up at the end of this month

I don’t mind talking at all, since my life is so hectic I’m usually at home and seldom go outside 😂 and I think pen pals would be neat if you’re still interested!

[redruffle41]

Hey friend

 

I'm a middle. I'm not stranger to mental health and body pain and life in general. I give you props for opening up and sharing.

Message me anytime. No pressure 😊