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Partners with depression?


Tinykittenn
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Hai everyone!

 

I know some littles suffer from depression (as do I) and that some Daddys/Caregivers/Mommys do as well.

I was wondering about you guys help your partners out when it come to depression:

 

Is there anything your partner do that helps you when you get depressed?

How do you help your partner when they get into there depressed moods?

Do you have anything special that you do to help them get back from it?

 

Thank you for your responses!

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I have had a partner with depression and other issues before, and sadly a number of friends.

 

In terms of what you can do to help a partner with depression, I would say it needn't be a big gesture. I have found that the smallest things, just being together, holding each other, and talking about everyday things like what you've done in the day are surprisingly good at taking people away from that isolation and cycle of bad thoughts.

 

It's not a cure, just a way of managing, and I would suggest that if your partner has a depression that cannot be linked to recent trouble in their life that they should discuss the problem with a doctor. As much support and love as a partner can give - and it can be amazingly helpful and healing just to know someone is on your side with you - sometimes a qualified stranger who can take an objective view is in the best place to offer advice to tackle the root causes.

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I struggle with depression & bi polar; as have my partners. I've just always been there for them when they're really down; try to help when they need to talk. I've always been able to pick up on it, and they'll talk to me about it -- whatever's got them down, or on their mind. I'll also suggest things to do together that may help either distract or help them feel better. It helps me feel better helping them too, so I suppose it's ironic as a caregiver, that when they talk to me, it helps me feel connected and feel relevant. That's me anyway..

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  • 2 weeks later...

I just wanted to put something out there that my Daddy and I instituted at our house a few months ago in the hopes that it helps some other Littles and their Daddies when it comes to depression and anxiety. I have a history of depression (including self harm and breaks from reality including hallucinations) and panic attacks. We have a card system in place that includes three different colored cards: blue, red, and black. Each card has its own meaning for me in how I feel and a set of guidelines for Daddy to follow when/if I hand him a particular card. We wrote out these rules as an addendum to our contract and they need to be followed without question when instituted and trump anything else that is going on (including other rules in our contract). I would like to note that my education and professional background is in mental health. I work with children with emotional and behavioral disabilities in my job out in the Big world, which can be extremely emotionally draining. The card system is similar to what I have used with clients with success so long as all steps are followed and carried through as part of a defined routine (we all know what can happen with Littles when routines are not always followed with consistency). Generally a red and black card will call for intercourse involving bondage and infliction of pain to a degree that is more rough and forceful than our usual play (which also involves bondage and pain, but that's beside the point).

A blue card means that I am feeling moderately sad in that I am feeling pulled under, had a particularly rough day at work, difficulty coping with an external stressor, etc. A blue card means that I feel like I cannot cope and that I am starting to lose self control so I need a little extra TLC from Daddy - he needs to hold me tight (squeezes) and pet my hair, etc. At this point, Daddy also gives me verbal affirmations such as "I am here" or "I will make everything okay."

A red card means that I am feeling very sad and I have an active desire to feel pain (self harm) and have lost my sense of self control and direction. Daddy generally applies more physical pressure at this point in the form of grabbing (wrists, neck), biting, hair pulling, and the verbal affirmations become a bit more forceful. This step also involves some sexy-sexy time.

A black card means that I am severely depressed and actively want to not exist (end my life). At this point, I feel totally numb and self harm in attempt to feel something, anything. At this point, Daddy takes complete control over me and issues commands rather than affirmations when it comes to how I am feeling and makes me repeat after him. During intercourse when given a black card, Daddy uses a paddle rather than his hand to issue spankings in order to distinguish for both of us that this is fulfilling a different need.

After the steps for each card is followed through, we then shower and cuddle and discuss in matter-of-fact terms about what triggered it and process together what it means for me and us with the emphasis being that when I am in crisis, I cannot actively discuss and process because I am just not capable at the moment. This came about as during a panic attack, Daddy would ask me and attempt to draw out what was wrong. I was not able to tell him, which would make him upset and feel like he was not needed or wanted by me, causing him to leave the room, making me feel abandoned which then caused me to spiral further. During this recovery period, we also do something together that is mindless or Little that I want to do, such as baking (Daddy does not like to bake but he will bake with me at this point) or watching something I want to watch on TV.

Sorry that this is so long but I wanted to be thorough in my explanation. If you have any questions, just ask! :)

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sometimes the best thing you can do is just BE there for that person, it can get ugly but if you are there then they know that their loved and just that can mean the world!
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Guest BittyKitty

I have life-long depression/anxiety and also episodes of derealization since I was a child. I dated someone a few years ago, aside from residual effects from childhood trauma, he was also an Iraq vet and suffered from PTSD. There really wasn't much we could do to make things better for one another, the most we could do was share the pain, understand each other and just be there. He took a part time job at a bar we lived by, one night he left in the middle of his shift and came home crying in my arms, then went back to work without a word. I felt like shit and it killed me that I couldn't take his pain away, and for the first time, I really felt what he felt every time I cried in his arms. It really sucks, but the only thing you can do is feel their pain with them, so they know they're not alone in whatever hell they're in.

 

PrincessAlison, that is a great idea, thank you so much for sharing. I'll keep it in mind for when I find my Daddy :)

Edited by BittyKitty
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