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Bad reactions from the D/s and other BDSM communities


LittleMiss_Kitten
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Hello everyone,

 

I am a little, I'm new to the community and in all honesty trying to figure out if this is where I belong. Some aspect seem to fit perfectly while others make me uncomfortable. I have come to realize that there is a part of me that does enjoy things that are usually labeled as being childish; cartoons and coloring for example. I really want to have someone take on the caregiving role in my life, but, in the research that I have done it seems that people that are a part of other BDSM communities frown upon this one and that freaks me out.

 

I started out as a sub and then realized that this community may fit me better but after talking to a close friend who is also a Dom I feel like its bad for me to identify with this community. I knew from the start that there were certain aspects that I'm not interested such as age play, but after my conversation with him I am more upset and confused than before and I don't know where I belong. He told me that the things I like and want from my relationships are just weird and that its creepy because it is basically pedophilia at play.

 

I know that in reality what people think shouldn't matter that much but coming from someone who I trust and admire it was pretty unnerving. Does anyone have any thoughts on the matter or on how I should proceed from here? Is this where I belong or should I continue to look? And does what he said have any standing? I really hope I haven't offended anyone I just needed to voice my concerns.  

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Let me just say, for a long time I thought that the daddy kink was weird as well, but after I started reading fan fictions and learning things, I realized that it wasn't as weird as people made it out to be. Sure their are some aspects of it that I don't particularly like ( diapers, pacifiers ect) but there are also stuff that I love and that I can identify with ( such as wanting stuffies basically all the time, coloring and drawing and basically being taken care of.) trust me your friend is not the only one who thinks it is weird. My parents don't like anything kinky at all. So I have to do all the ddlg stuff in secret.

 

And another thing is ddlg is not pedophilla. Are you physically a 5 year old? No. You are an adult woman that is a child at heart and wants to remain one for all of her life. There is nothing wrong with you or the ddlg community. For me, I can handle rough stuff, but I love cuddles and snuggles, I also love feeling safe, and if feeling safe means calling a husband or boyfriend daddy, there is nothing wrong with that. But a daddy Dom in general is someone who can do soft stuff with you but also rough stuff when you ask for it. But this is what the dictionary says it is:

 

Daddy Dom / Little Girl. DDLG, or dd/lg, is a relationship in which one person is the caregiver or "daddy" and the other is childlike. It is NOT a relationship between an actual father and daughter or any minor. This is a type of BDSM relationship that may or may not involve sex, but often involves play with child-like things, such as stuffed animals, bed-time stories, and spankings. The lg part of the relationship is often called the "little."

 

For the longest time, I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I wanted people taking care of me. I love cartoons and acting like a child. So this community makes me feel safe. Because their are people like me that identify with what I'm going though. So if this is the community for you then that is wonderful! You just need to figure out what suites you. Forget what the others say. If you are a little then no one should judge you for that.

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Guest FrenchDaddy

He told me that the things I like and want from my relationships are just weird and that its creepy because it is basically pedophilia at play.

 

Is petplay some kind of bestiality? Using a rope or a whip cruelty or even torture? Ask your friend.

 

Some people are very narrow-minded even in the BDSM community :(

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Sure their are some aspects of it that I don't particularly like ( diapers, pacifiers ect) but there are also stuff that I love and that I can identify with ( such as wanting stuffies basically all the time, coloring and drawing and basically being taken care of.) trust me your friend is not the only one who thinks it is weird. My parents don't like anything kinky at all. So I have to do all the ddlg stuff in secret.

 

Thank you for your response. I feel the same way as far as not liking diapers or pacifiers and the like but I do love coloring and snuggling with stuffies. I guess it just bothered me that someone I really look up to sees it like this. There are a lot of things that make me feel like I could belong here I guess I just need confirmation.

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Is petplay some kind of bestiality? Using a rope or a whip cruelty or even torture? Ask your friend.

 

Some people are very narrow-minded even in the BDSM community :(

 

And that is the very thing I was not expecting, I thought that being a part of the BDSM community would make people more open minded.

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Guest BittyKitty
As with everything pertaining to BDSM, negative opinion is to be expected from people who are either closed-minded or uninformed. It is pretty hypocritical of those who are into BDSM to feel contempt over any kink at all. It could be that your friend is just uninformed, I think you should try explaining DDlg to him in depth or have him do the research himself. If he understands how much his opinion means to you and values your friendship, he'll be open to learn more. I don't think it's necessary to agree with something to understand it, but it is necessary to understand something before you cast it off as "wrong". Edited by BittyKitty
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As with everything pertaining to BDSM, negative opinion is to be expected from people who are either closed-minded or uninformed. It is pretty hypocritical of those who are into BDSM to feel contempt over any kink at all. It could be that your friend is just uninformed, I think you should try explaining DDlg to him in depth or have him do the research himself. If he understands how much his opinion means to you and values your friendship, he'll be open to learn more. I don't think it's necessary to agree with something to understand it, but it is necessary to understand something before you cast it off as "wrong".

Especially that FSOG trilogy, in my mind it's made us seem even worse to people that don't understand true bdsm.

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Guest BittyKitty

I never actually got around to reading the third book, but I heard the author portrayed Christian Grey's preference for BDSM as an illness. That's messed up. Then he was cured with love.....

 

rofl -__-

Edited by BittyKitty
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Just take from it what you need. 

I've always identified as more of a middle/Lolita, but do have periods of becoming incredibly little and vulnerable and just wanting to be protected.

But then again, a Lolita type personality is me in real life, headstrong, seductive, charming, manipulative. bratty, sexual.

 

There's nothing better than being a tease, but sometimes I just want to curl up in a shit ton of blankets, color in for a while, suck on my paci, feel protected and be read a bedtime story. I will watch kids movies, but I won't sit in front of the TV in a diaper with a sippy in my hand. Though I will happily sip liquor from my Hello Kitty sippy. There's no rules.

 

When I first heard of DDLG, I thought it was just for 'full time littles'. There's lots of different types of littles involved with DDLG. 

 

I hope you start to feel a little bit more comfortable soon!

As I said, take from it what you need. Don't do anything you don't wanna do. Be yourself   :wub:

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Just take from it what you need. 

I've always identified as more of a middle/Lolita, but do have periods of becoming incredibly little and vulnerable and just wanting to be protected.

But then again, a Lolita type personality is me in real life, headstrong, seductive, charming, manipulative. bratty, sexual.

 

There's nothing better than being a tease, but sometimes I just want to curl up in a shit ton of blankets, color in for a while, suck on my paci, feel protected and be read a bedtime story. I will watch kids movies, but I won't sit in front of the TV in a diaper with a sippy in my hand. Though I will happily sip liquor from my Hello Kitty sippy. There's no rules.

 

When I first heard of DDLG, I thought it was just for 'full time littles'. There's lots of different types of littles involved with DDLG. 

 

I hope you start to feel a little bit more comfortable soon!

As I said, take from it what you need. Don't do anything you don't wanna do. Be yourself   :wub:

 

Thank you :)

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Thank you for your response. I feel the same way as far as not liking diapers or pacifiers and the like but I do love coloring and snuggling with stuffies. I guess it just bothered me that someone I really look up to sees it like this. There are a lot of things that make me feel like I could belong here I guess I just need confirmation.

this might be offtopic but sadly ppl who we look up to are often something very different than we've thought when we see their "trueselves" especially ppl that manipulate others but you don't realise it before you hear them tell things in different way to someone else they've told to you ie. i've learned that hard way n got ripped off bigtime. just mean that its not unusual that "idols" turn out to be something else.

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Just go with what makes you happy and feels good. Try not to feel the need to fit in and just let it fit around you. There are no hard and fast rules on anything. Much love.
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Guest LavanderRabbit

Please remember, not all DD/lg relationships are strictly sexual as well. My DD and I are much more D/s in bed and I use little space to cope with anxiety and stress. 

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