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What should I do if my partner isn't into DDLG?


momochuun
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I've been with my partner for about 7 months now..In the beginning I told him how I was into ddlg..And I hoped he was into it too.

 

He said he had some interest in it along with pet play..So I was excited! Fast forward to now..And I tell him how I want to incoporate

 

ddlg into our relationship since it has never come about..((Note: I have had to hide most of my little stuff from him scared he will

 

judge me...I also tested out wearing some ears and he ended up looking at me weird and asking why I'm wearing them. I have also

 

tested out a cute little hair style and he told me to change it so I don't look like a little girl...))

 

He tells me he isn't into it at all..And I put myself out there..Telling him what I would like...And he basically shot me down..So our

 

relationship is pretty much vanilla. Maybe I'm coming off as a brat! But I haven't fallen into little space in quite sometime and it is

 

starting to take a toll on me...I'm super stressed at times and it really helps calm my nerves...And to not have it is really hurting

 

me..Maybe I'm being over dramatic...

 

 

But what should I do? 

 

 

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If he's not into it you can't force him to be into it. That's just the simple truth of the matter. You have to decide whether the relationship you're in with him is more valuable to you than a DDlg relationship - if it is you're going to have to sacrifice DDlg. You can still be little and have your littlespace but just no caregiver.

 

There, is however, another option if both of you are willing to try it - you could have a caregiver who isn't your partner. The rules pertaining to the caregiver and you can be decided between all three of you, so whether it will be platonic or not so on and so forth - but remember that every single person involved in this has to agree and there has to be an open and honest communicate between all parties. That's the only way it'll work. 

 

Good luck.

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Guest DaddyBuddha
Suggesting to read about it might work as well, took my old one 2 weeks to make her see the benefits. But yes, you can't force anyone to do what they don't Wanna.. The rest is just like what princess said
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It's quite simple, you told him one of your needs is not being met and he just gave you the "sucks to be you" attitude... that is a pretty big sign of how much he cares for your needs. I would dump him.

 

It is one thing that he is not into it (and you should always respect that) but if he is not willing to find middle ground for you both to be happy he is just a selfish jerk... plenty of guys out there say "sure I might be into X" to get the girl, when they knew from the start they weren't. This sounds very much like the case.

 

If you are super in love, and think he is worth the effort... then yes, talk to him about options such as having a caregiver or considering giving up on the lifestyle (if it truly is a need though, that shouldn't be an option).

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So if your partner isn't into CG/l why not just be little anyway? If you've only been together 7 months and miss being in little space to cope with stress that indicates you were quite capable of being little on your own before meeting your partner. So just do that. Be little without his involvement.

 

If you feel like you can't be yourself around this person thats going to be really difficult. No one should feel like hiding who they are and it sounds like you already feel repressed and sad.

 

You should just do what you always did when you were single. If he doesn't like it then tough, your not making him participate. And if he wants to be with you then he has to accept you for who you are just as you have to accept him and his "vanilla" ways.

Edited by Princess-P
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Tell him that there is a part of you that needs to be little.  If you're okay with him not wanting to be involved with that, then let him know you will need your own time every now and then to be little and have your little space, etc, and that time will have nothing to do with him.  Make sure you tell him you prefer he be involved, but IF you're willing to look past him not being interested in the lifestyle, tell him you understand that he may have fear of something unfamiliar and sort of life changing such as this.

 

If he comes around and asks questions, then that's a plus, and you can move very slowly forward from there.  Worst case scenario is he doesn't want to have anything to do with ddlg, and you may have to end the relationship if YOU can't accept his close-mindedness.  (Yes, it is my opinion he is being close-minded).

 

He should not have told you he was interested and then say "nah nvm" or whatever he said in protest.  Maybe he didn't or still doesn't fully understand the many many facets of ddlg?  If you're important to him, he will at least listen to your list of wants and needs, maybe he can see himself coming around and being involved with a few of them. 

 

All in all, you HAVE to spell it out for him, otherwise you'll never know for sure.  But like the others have said, don't sacrifice who you truly are for someone who isn't willing to fully accept who you are, or even parts of you.  That's just not fair for anyone. 

 

Good luck, let us know what happens, I'm sure we're all cheering for you!!

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Hey and welcome.

 

There are a few points here. The first is that you cannot force him to like something that he may not like. That being said there may be a reason why he doesn't like it- does he know what it's about?

 

Second point. Has he tried r because he really should support you and try it. If he doesn't like it then he needs to give you his blessing and allow you to find a Dom or daddy. This is something I've seen a lot of time. Sometimes I have helped the littles out. Drop me a message to chat further

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At the end of the day you need to make a decision - what is more important? Being with this man or being little? Because as of right now he doesn't seem remotely interested in anything above a vanilla dynamic. And yes you can present facts and educate him, but you need to be realistic and realize he may never, ever, enjoy this dynamic. If that is a case, what do you need most? Him? Or who you are? Because if you stay with him, you wont have him as a CG and therefore wont be able to add him into your little life (which, in my opinion, a massive part of a relationship - your identity).

 

I can say from my own personal experience, if you stay in a vanilla relationship where you feel being little is something looked down upon.... it is the most uncomfortable and upsetting feeling ever. Being with a partner who refuses to let you be YOU around him... its very suffocating and I do not recommend it for anyone.

 

My personal opinion is to part ways. It seems like you two are not compatible, and that doesn't make him a bad guy nor you a bad person. It just means you two don't fit. 

 

No matter what you do, I wish you the best in any situation. Best of luck! :heart:

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You might need to do a little more probing, here. When my partner and I first got into DDLG, we liked it, but we were weirded out that we liked it, if that makes sense. We left it alone for awhile while we kind of sorted out our feelings and figured out how to accept that part of ourselves. This may or may not be the case with your boyfriend, but for some people, it takes a long time to let go of society's judgements and misconceptions.

 

I would ask him what it was specifically that interested him in the first place. If there are particular aspects that appeal to him, then that's where you need to start.

 

My partner is mostly vanilla, so it IS possible to find a middle ground where you are both happy. I'm not sure if this will help, but what really sold my partner on having a little was my expressiveness. My big self is pretty reserved, so it was really nice for him to see me get super excited over the little things he does for me. It made him feel much more appreciated and wanted and loved. That was the aspect that appeals to HIM.

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Thank you everyone for your opinions and suggestions! It means a lot to know I can express myself on here and really get good feed back. I'll keep you all posted!
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