Getting over my little

[Nevermore]

Some background information here: I was with my little for over a year and a half. She was my best friend, and my fiancé. I loved her more than anything. But unfortunately she was very toxic and verbally, mentally, emotionally, and even physically abusive towards me. She’d go into little space after her outbursts and I’d calm her down. I tried my hardest to make things work but nothing I did was good enough (financially, emotionally, etc.). We hit some rough patches financially and shed frequently break up with me and then get back together with me the next day or so. It was torture.

 

She skewed situations into warped scenarios instead of what they really were. She tried turning me against my family and friends as well.

 

She left me one last time and I dated someone else casually. I went and saw my little one last time at her request to try and salvage what we had and it just fell apart.

 

She hates me now. She told me she’s seeing someone else and

That she doesn’t care what happens to me, and that my life is a joke. That I never made enough money and that I was a failure.

 

How do I get over this? She was my everything and she just threw me away like I was an old toy.

[SweetPlum]

You have to value yourself more or else you will accept what she did was ok. Then moving on is much more difficult. If you don't think what she did was ok, then only associate bad feelings when you think of her. For new people coming into your life, make sure you know what their priorities are before dating them. If money is one of them and you really like them, you'll have to find better financial stability to have a healthy relationship most likely. There are people who don't care about money so heavily as long as you are contributing in some way. It took me 6 months to stop crying every night over my ex and a year until I wasn't depressed anymore. We weren't in a bad place or anything, I was just a minor at the time and he was 19 so things went wrong and we were separated so I understand how hard it is to get over someone... anyways just focus on what she did to get over her. It won't be long if you make new friends.

[tayiie]

it's a good thing you realized she was toxic before you got married!

I've dealt with a toxic person in my life, luckily only a friend. But even that can sometimes be hard to stop thinking about. What I did was surround me with other people who mattered more, then I also got in contact with a psychologist. Because I needed someone to talk to who didn't know me and who could give me some tools to move on, they also helped me with my insecurity which was pretty much down in the bottom. I needed help with that. So I could see that I'm better off without that person. This helped a lot! I can still think about the person, it's only been a year, but with the tools I got it is way easier to cope with than what it was before.

 

I also did things that made me happy, like photographing, training my dog, drawing and so on. It helped me get my mind off the thoughts at least for a little bit. Sadly the thoughts often came at night. But I would just put in a movie and fall asleep to that.

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

Previous topics that discussed this issue.  Oldest on top, newest on bottom:

 

After A Breakup
https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/3306-losing-a-little/
https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/4942-im-a-lost-princess-i-need-help-please/
https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/5564-my-little-disappearedcompletely-devastated/
https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/7515-daddy-dumped-me/
https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/33157-moving-on-from-a-strong-ddlg-relationship/
https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/33297-what-to-do-if-your-daddy-leaves-you/
https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/33307-how-to-move-on-from-a-break-up-please-advices/
https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/33877-break-ups/

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/34753-when-things-are-over/

Edited July 31, 2018 by Sachita

[ShadowsGrace]

Sorry for your hurt, and I get when you love someone it's not something you can flip on and off... But reading the description it's hard to understand why you loved her so much to begin with. However, that is looking at it from the outside. I think I have been in a similar situation where I let someone blind me to what a sour person they were under the candy coating.

 

I assume, by the sounds of it, she was extremely manipulative. While she is most likely extremely self-centered she probably was good at putting up a sweet act from time to time to string you along. Don't let her continue to manipulate you.

 

You can't stop the hurt right now. It will take time, but if she cared she would not act like this. I think the best thing you can do is cut all contact and try to come to grips with the sad reality that you are not hurting for her. You are hurting for the illusion she presented because the reality is not pretty.

 

It can in some ways be harder to admit that what you loved was all a lie, but you have to come to grips with that to let her go or you will linger. You will keep talking to her and she will continue to hurt and manipulate you because she can.

 

In a sense you are not getting over a relationship. You are mourning a person who never existed. An illusion created by her that you wanted to believe until it became real to you. Stay busy and try not to dwell. Give the illusion time to fade and hopefully you'll see that you deserve more.

[Guest Revurex]

You may consider trying to figure out what led you to be in this position to begin with or you'll find yourself in a similar situation in the future. Most likely, the writing was on the wall the entire time and you were blind to it. 

Edited August 14, 2018 by Revurex

[Guest DuckDaddy66]

Getting over somebody really means looking at yourself. Not the most fun.  I was in abusive relationship for three years, 11 break ups and sex seven times.  We both worked at the same place so I printed every single email from that biatch and boxed it up.  We broke up 2003.  Just this past Saturday I burned the emails from her.  I had already burned my emails to her a couple of weeks before. (What I learned about myself skimming those, i really a nice guy *** pats self on back *** )

 

I this is a ceremony and shared it with my little. Of course she was not happy being bit, hot, and muggy but she stood by my side. 

 

I needed to burn that and let that hurt go.  Not because she hurt me, but the truth was I stuck around and go crapped on and that comes down to my own responsibility to myself.  In other words I let the pain and abuse continue and that's my fault. 

 

Let that damaged person go, even though you loved them, do not become a victim to their own self destruction and to others. 

 

Forgive yourself for your own part in this.  

 

Be thankful for the lessons learned.  

 

At the end of the ceremony, I did thank that narcissistic biatch for giving me the opportunity to become a better person.  And, I was grateful my lessons will benifit my relationship with my little. 

[Guest Aetherr]

i know its easy to say from an outsiders perspective but i  know the felling of emotional abuse and not recieving support from your SO, the thing you have to remember is if she can drop you like that then she never cared to begin with, you need to move on and enjoy your time with new people because even if you were to salvage things with your ex it would no doudt devolve into abuse again.. and you deserve better