Relationship Books

[Guest Tess Han]

Hi, i'm looking for suggestions on relationship books. Romantic relations specifically. 

Anything that is considered for beginners, basically people who don't know anything about relationships or are clueless.

Would also be interested if there are any specifically for queer relationships and non-monogamous relationships. 

I don't really want anything that relates to religion of any kind or is strict in their thinking as it relates to males and females eg. stereotypes

[Guest Revurex]

Unfortunately, I don't have any relationship book suggestions. However, I do suggest just throwing yourself into the mix to learn about relationships. Dating is one of the best ways to learn, especially if it's putting you out of your comfort zone. Also, communication. Learning to communicate is critical to a successful relationship.

 

Actually, I do have a book recommendation. How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. A cringe title but a fantastic book. Very popular and well reviewed. While it's not about romantic relationships it's a great tool in learning the human psyche and what goes into developing relationships. It also has a lot of great advice for improving one's life/status. I read it in high school and it still proves to be useful many years later.  

[Guest Tess Han]

Thank you. Will definitely get that book

[Guest DuckDaddy66]

I was dating this horrible person.  We went to relationship counseling. I would show up and she would miss sessions.  The universe gave me the gift of this horrible person so I can learn three things:

 

1) Respect yourself ( a lot of people fail here )

2) Respect the other person

3) Don't expect the other person to change, you can only change yourself

 

Here is the short of this. A lot people will respect the other person, and then the other person has bad behaviors, then they will fail on rule one and execute rule three.

 

Classic example is the abuse relationship living with a drunk.  "Oh but I love them" said the abused person while being yelled at.  That person chose to change and live with abuse because of their own lack of self respect.

 

Now apply that to the DDLG dynamic

Little has a meltdown comes home stressed from work. Daddy steps and takes care of little emotional needs.  Both persons respect the rules of the dynamic and while being true to their own natures satisfying rules 1 and 2. There is not need to change.  

 

Now let's have a situation invoking rule three.

Daddy comes home horny and needs some action.  Little is not feeling like right for "some action" and rebuffs Daddy.  Daddy get's out of shape and applies unnecessary punishments.  Little says "No" and points out that Daddy is crossing boundaries (little is applying rule one, respect yourself) and points out "if Daddy wants some action, he needs to do something different like get my favorite plushy." Daddy ponders the choice and makes a change and gets the said plushy invoking rules 2 and 3 for him.  Later on when everybody is much happier Daddy and little both get some action. 

 

This is the cool part, Daddy made a choice not because he wanted some action but because he wanted his little to be happy and himself to be happy.  He made the choice freely. 

[Little Illy]

OP, honestly, there is no secret to starting a relationship. There is no way to make it easier, except be careful with who you start one with.

 

Compatibility is the cornerstone to your relationship, quickly followed by Communication. Below I will link a few of my threads. They are more geared for DDlg / CGl dynamic based relationships, but everything can be transferred to any kind. 

 

The best way to start a relationship is be honest with yourself. Yes, this is more important to them (but don't be malicious and lie). What I mean is, you have to get to know yourself before you start a relationship. Do you want a boyfriend, or a Daddy Dom? What about a Master/Owner. Are you open to Trans, Switches, Poly, Open, etc. I know it sounds cliche and basic, but the best thing you can do for yourself is to know what you need from a relationship and to not settle away from it. Compromises are always needed and flexibility will always be in relationships, but don't hide your dealbreakers, your absolute needs or who you are to be with someone. Wait for the compatible partner to come along. That makes everything exponentially easier.

 

1. https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12930-why-we-need-to-be-single/ (SFW) : Gives a better understanding on the responsibilities of entering a relationship. And how not being ready for one is okay.

 

2. https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12827-instant-gratification/ (SFW) : Explains why taking things slow and actually understanding who your potential partner is will make the success rate of the relationship that much higher.

 

3. https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/23301-fake-it-needs-to-stop/ (SFW) : Explains on the importance of not distorting who you are to fit the needs and wants of others. And how those who don't fit your "ideal partner" doesn't mean they are bad, fake or anything negative. And same goes for you - don't ever feel pressured to change who you are for a relationship.

 

4. https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/28037-communication-is-vital/ (SFW) : Here is the biggie. Absolutely no relationship will succeed without Communication. Full stop. End of story. There is no way around it.

 

5. https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/34860-trouble-communicating-to-new-partners/ (SFW) : This is a technique I have explained to those who have a very hard time opening up at the beginning of relationships. 

 

6. https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/31782-little-responsibility/ (SFW) : This piece explains how even as a little the person has a responsibility to be a PARTNER in the relationship. Not just use and leech from their partner. 

 

7. https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/31962-projecting/ (SFW) : Projecting is a silent, yet common issue among relationships. This helps explain how a person can make sure they don't put their insecurities onto their partner, as well as making sure you can see the signs if your partner may be doing this to you.

 

8. https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12897-ddlg-the-serious-end-of-things/ (SFW) : This piece gives you a better idea on how this dynamic can become a lifestyle, how DDlg / CGl fits into a relationship, and how compatibility is vital in this regards.

 

My apologies for all of the links, but if I was talking to someone who "Anything that is considered for beginners, basically people who don't know anything about relationships or are clueless." then this is what I would give them. I know I use DDlg pronouns, but everything written is applicable for every gender and sexual orientation. I hope some of these help - if you ever have any questions I'm always around