7 replies to this topic

[PupPrincess]

Hi, I'm a new little, and my daddy is new as well. We are learning together. When we have big-girl playtime, we naturally fell into spankings,etc for when I curse, for example.

 

But I want to try more lifestyle based punishment/rule systems?! Not super intense, but to test the waters. I had my daddy read some DDLG blogs and forums and mentioned the possible interest, but I think he's hesitant to try enforcing any. I told him I would like to try to set rules and punishments, and he agreed we should, but we havent yet. I function well with a structure and knowing what I'm getting into if that makes sense. 

 

How can I better ease him into things like this? Example: If I taunt him with how I did something bad, and want a nonspanking punishment incorporated. Like I ate too much sugar, so now no game time later. I don't know how to breach that big conversation and approach it right. 

 

Sorry if this was a bit rambley. It's hard to explain what I mean, but figured the community seems so nice, that I out to ask! 

[ThatOneGuyTho]

Hmm, I'll take a stab at this one. First tho! I've never been in a relationship in this dynamic, and am very new around here so, all I can offer is some thoughts I've had on this very subject trying to identify what kind of daddy I would make.

 

In this dynamic, I think people don't initially understand that there's a lot of vulnerability here, on both sides. You have to be willing to be really open and vulnerable with one another. You're engaging in this roleplay, well let's go super simple with it.. We're kids out playing right, I have this stick I found, but you and I know this is my AWESOME SWORD OF AWESOMENESS... I'm rolling all over the place, flashing my awesome sword all around.. Now, I can do that, because everyone involved knows how cool we all are... Everyone outside see's this idiot waving a small stick around and just doesn't get it.. I think maybe he's having a little trouble getting into the roleplay?

 

It can feel maybe a little silly in the beginning? The roleplay only works if both of you are there, one persons not quite there yet, than instead of being King Awesomesauce Overseer of all Awesomekind.. You're bob from Wisconsin and things just got weird. It's okay to have misfires, you guys will get there, it might just take some time for him to feel completely comfortable.

 

Start small, honesty and communication are big deal here. Don't try to hard to rush it, but by all means be open about what you want.. If you can both sit down together and come up with a small list of punishments to start out with, it might help ease him into it a bit. The idea is to try not to get too complex too quickly, and just start with a good foundation that you both will build on going forward.

 

Again, these are just the thoughts of an outsider, but I hope it made some kinda sense? I wish you guys luck! =)

[PupPrincess]

Hmm, I'll take a stab at this one. First tho! I've never been in a relationship in this dynamic, and am very new around here so, all I can offer is some thoughts I've had on this very subject trying to identify what kind of daddy I would make.

 

In this dynamic, I think people don't initially understand that there's a lot of vulnerability here, on both sides. You have to be willing to be really open and vulnerable with one another. You're engaging in this roleplay, well let's go super simple with it.. We're kids out playing right, I have this stick I found, but you and I know this is my AWESOME SWORD OF AWESOMENESS... I'm rolling all over the place, flashing my awesome sword all around.. Now, I can do that, because everyone involved knows how cool we all are... Everyone outside see's this idiot waving a small stick around and just doesn't get it.. I think maybe he's having a little trouble getting into the roleplay?

 

It can feel maybe a little silly in the beginning? The roleplay only works if both of you are there, one persons not quite there yet, than instead of being King Awesomesauce Overseer of all Awesomekind.. You're bob from Wisconsin and things just got weird. It's okay to have misfires, you guys will get there, it might just take some time for him to feel completely comfortable.

 

Start small, honesty and communication are big deal here. Don't try to hard to rush it, but by all means be open about what you want.. If you can both sit down together and come up with a small list of punishments to start out with, it might help ease him into it a bit. The idea is to try not to get too complex too quickly, and just start with a good foundation that you both will build on going forward.

 

Again, these are just the thoughts of an outsider, but I hope it made some kinda sense? I wish you guys luck! =)

 

So I think it's less getting into the roleplay of it. He very naturally wants to be care for and look out for me, and said he really loved being a Daddy. I think it's more of the fact that in my normal life, and how he's known me for 5+ years before we got together, I'm a very blunt and controlling personality. So even though he knows I want him in charge for little time, and why and all, I think he has a hard time being naturally comfortable with the idea of enforcing rules/punishments outside of big-girl playtime.

Last night, I offered to help make a list of ideas, like you suggested, and he immediately seemed to like that idea! So I'm working on that today.

Edited by PupPrincess, 15 January 2021 - 12:26 PM.

[maddycakes]

I think the best way to ease someone into the actual actions of setting and enforcing rules is to pick one or a few to start with. A lot of blogs and resources and rules/punishments lists are so long and in-depth, it can be overwhelming. The best thing to do would be to pick one rule and a punishment for that rule if it is broken so that you can easily and obviously track progress without it getting lost or forgotten amidst all the other responsibilities y'all have. (example: one rule- the little must eat breakfast, one punishment-  if the little does not eat breakfast, she will have to write 100 times "i will eat my breakfast every day"). When you start with just one, it is easier for your daddy to remember, and you can even help him by pointing it out when you don't follow the rule. This will allow you both to get into the routine of enforcing a rule. After that, you can add one or a few more and see how you do. I know it's really exciting and you probably want to jump in head-first with a ton of rules (I know I did!)  but that can be really frustrating for a daddy or a little who is not used to it and doesn't yet have rules built into their routine. 

 

Another thing to consider- when you say you "taunt" your daddy by doing something bad in order to get punished, it seems like you may be more of a brat and want a "funishment" as opposed to a punishment, since punishments are not generally desirable. In that case, it's a bit of a different conversation. It can be confusing for any daddy (but especially a new daddy) when a little says "i want you to make me rules" but then just breaks them because what they actually want is to be punished. If you are just wanting to be punished, it might be better to come at the conversation from that angle instead of saying "i want rules to be enforced", which implies that you want rules that are meant to be followed. I've found that the easiest way to ease into this is to make silly rules that are meant to be broken (examples: the little will not walk through the house on tippy-toes, the little will not say the word "banana" more than 3 times in a row, the little will not mimic daddy when he is speaking). Rules like this should be something that you have to go out of your way to do and are obvious enough that your daddy clearly gets the signal that you want to be punished now. Obviously, if you want, these rules can be/get progressively more serious, but I think to ease into it it is helpful if they are not serious offenses, but funny things that make it clear to your daddy exactly what you want him to do, which in this case is punish you more. 

[Accountable Daddy]

This is going to come as a surprise to some, but us Doms/Daddies aren't as confident from the start as you'd hope.

By the sound of it, I'd suggest you two start with getting some baseline rules in behavior and schedule. Personally I'm also a huge fan of having a service sub which plays really well into that obedience training, but whatever the case you should start small with the power shift.

Another fun fact: a lot of Doms/Daddies are hesitant about how far to take things. We need to be encouraged and know we can "get away with it" when it comes to pushing what we want. I won't get all political about it, but generally you're having to undo years of being told all of these things in the relationship have to be completely equal and it's wrong to have otherwise.

A few examples of what might help are setting a bedtime for you and having to get ready for bed (so say your bedtime is 10pm, you're not allowed to eat anything after 9pm, must brush your teeth, brush your hair, change into your your clothes for bed, get in a set of stretches, and whatever other things you do before bed before 9:30), restricting what you consume (my first little was not allowed to have caffeine after noon), keeping open communication (saying good morning and good night every day), and perhaps he would be interested in picking out your wardrobe or what you wear on a given day or some time of the day.
Essentially let him take more control and get into his role. After he's more established and comfortable, that's when getting into being a brat is something to dip your toe in. And a fun thing that I do is "maintenance spanking." Essentially I will spank my girl for whatever reason or no reason whenever I feel like it. And she can ask me to spank her just so she can adjust back into her role without having to act out to get that rush.

There's no blanket way of handling this, but I'm under the impression he just needs a chance to settle into his role more and get comfortable before being more aggressive.

[PupPrincess]

Thank you both! Both of those replies helped a lot!

[BunnyBeanz]

Hi!!

 

 

If it helps, my Daddy was also very nervous as we use lifestyle based rules but I had previously been very independent before embracing my little so this was a big shift!

 

 

A small shift is an easier start!

 

 Daddy and I have learned the app Obedience helps a lot with both rewards and keeping track of rules for starting out!

 

Small lifestyle rules are usually a good start like:

 

Making sure you brush your hair or teeth

 

Making sure you've done small chores when asked

 

Making sure to start addressing Daddy properly! Little things like that and getting the rewards (and earning punishments) helps build confidence! 

[TeddyBearHeart]

You might try sitting down with your Daddy and negotiating what rules and punishments you're both comfortable with, and introducing them gradually into your daily life. Start with just one rule with a set punishment. Once you both feel comfortable and have made it a habit, introduce another rule. Neither of you can transform your behaviors overnight, it's gonna take some time.