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Caregivers Opinion- Helping Daddy Feel Better.


LadyPuff
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I'm sorry If I had titled this incorrectly, or It's in the wrong place. I avoided putting this in Little Space because I wanted mostly the opinion of the Caregiver's side.

My Daddy and I are sadly, Long Distance. We will be for afew years. He's new to the dd/lg dynamic, and It's pretty much my fault.  When we'd met and were friends for a while, we were talking about his tenancies as a dominant. As the conversation grew, I told him about dd/lg and he did alot of research. As I suspected, he felt like being a Daddy Dom fit him nearly perfect.
Daddy and I are now in a relationship, have been for a bit of time now, and he makes me more happy than anything else. I have bratty tenancies, and alot of baggage, that he wants to help me carry. He is very patient with me, as I tend to make things difficult without meaning to. Due to nearly most of my baggage, my skills on communication are very poor. If something happens and I get bothered, I'm unaware of how to explain my feelings. This leads to me shutting down, and throwing abit of fits. This would happen to anyone around, but as of now, that's normally Daddy. In my eyes Daddy handles these situations, and takes care of me, better than anyone else in the whole wide world. I'm rarely in complete little space, our relationship tends to just have constant "Little" tenancies.

The important issue to me here, is how I can help Daddy at certain times. It might be because he's new to the whole dd/lg lifestyle, but he often worries strongly about not doing the right thing for me. Or making the wrong choices. I always try real hard to help him not feel this way, but it isn't often good enough.
From the side of a caregiver...Is there anything I should tell him? Something he needs to hear, that I may be leaving out?
Pwease Pwease help. My Daddy is the most important thing to me, and I wanna make him happy as possible all the time.

 

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Do you have a list of rules and expectations? Have you discussed what you both need from this dynamic to be comfortable and happy? If what you are doing is fulfilling to both, there is no wrong way.

 

When you shut down, does time to cool off help? Or, do you remain shut down until something happens to change it?

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Daddy and I worked together to make a little list of rules for me. We have it shared in Google docs and update it when it's needed. We've done out best to discuss everything we can think of, and he knows my limits.

Cool off time doesn't really assist me well. It seems to only do harm. If I'm put out for cool-down time, my mind wonders with my mental illnesses. That tends to leave me doing the bad things....
I understand that staying with me is extremely difficult during these times, though. I get nearly impossible to work with.

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Honey I'm a worrywart its what I do... There is a difference between stressing and worrying.  I'll keep being honest with you because its important. But I'll try to remind my self about trying ones best. "try your best, that all you can do, no one has any right to expect more." I shouldn't expect you to avoid self doubt if i can't either.

thank you for the concern Puddin.

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Guest MyDaddyMyWorld

Neither of you are there to fix the other one. Long distance is bloody hard work sometimes, but it can work temporarily at least. Just keep talking, keep learning together, share the good and the bad. Stay in contact, don't shut each other out.

Just be patient, open and genuine.

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Newness brings that, confidence and security comes from consistency and reliability which comes with time. This is a learning process for both of you and as the relationship progresses you'll naturally become more confident with your dynamic. As for now, openness and communication are completely paramount. I think it's also important to be open and communicative about it when stuff is uncomfortable or less than ideal, if nothing else because it makes the good stuff all the more meaningful, if that makes sense. Share, communicate, work together. You'll be fine.

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Thank you all for reassuring that we're doing everything we can. We have a long way to go with communication, but It'll surely get better with the amount we're working on it. Though It's mostly issues on my side, and it hurts to know I'm making everything much more of a struggle.

Daddy, you should know I'm always concerned about everything to do with you or us. I dun wanna fuck up.

I hope I can end up helping Daddy with his worries and confidence, among many other things. I know he helps me all the time...and I want what's bestest for him too.

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Long distance relationships are HARD.  Princess Katie (DaddyJsPrincess) and I started out that way, and while it comes with it's own set of issues, we made it threw them okay and are now closer.

 

As far as having "baggage" goes...EVERYONE does.  Just some, more than others.  P.K. and I both have our fair share and it has taken time for both of us to learn how to properly "be there" for each other when the need arises. To learn how to steer clear of certain triggers, how to help keep each other calm and focused when attacks happen...and what to do/how to act when when staying calm isn't an option.

 

Communication helps...A LOT! Princess Katie is better at writing her feelings down, than she is at expressing them verbally. So, my suggestion to you is to sit down and write out what goes on in your head when you are having an "episode"...tell your Daddy exactly how you are feeling and the kinds of things that he could do to help reduce your pain (physical and/or emotional).  Let him know that best way he can help you out.  Then, give him the letter.  Arm him with the tools he needs to help you.

 

As long as he does those things, he shouldn't feel bad about his care for you...and you shouldn't feel bad for him.  We are caregivers...worrying about our littles is what we do...it's what makes us who we are.  It's our whole purpose.  And, when you are hurting...we hurt for you.  Don't feel bad about that...if we didn't, we wouldn't be very good Daddies.

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  • 3 weeks later...

 I first want to say HerDarkDaddy has a lot of good points. I'd like to say something because I feel I could help some. First I have to say I'm new to all of this but I'm not at the same time. I never really had a Little to say so I don't know much from that perspective but I do based on being a Daddy. Thats confusing I bet but anyway. Have you ever really talked to your Daddy and said what you wanted out of the relationship, if not that could help him feel confident more and you at the same time. Just say what you want and don't want so then he could get a feel. 

 

Next thing I understand the mind wondering I do the same thing a lot because of my anxiety and other things. Understand this thought if you didn't you really wouldn't be human haha. 

 

And last the baggage thing, recently I went through a break up of a girl of 2 1/2 years about 7 months ago and now she is getting married to her new guy so the baggage thing i really can get. The key thing is if you don't let that baggage of (not to be insensitive in anyway) whatever it is go you can't move on and I now its not easy to move on from whatever it is. But if you let it control you and shut down and close up and have fits. It doesn't just hurt you it hurts everyone. I know you probably already know that but sometime knowing that your not the only one can help you get over things. Your Daddy will be there no matter what it is. I think you just need to believe that he will be there so you can just say whats on your mind instead of not knowing how to explain it. The best first step you can do is just say what comes to your mind when you have to explain something. 

 

I hope this helped in some way I wish you luck.

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