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I am greatful for the last 19 years of my life with an amazing man. Today was my first day on this pilgrimage to celebrate our life together. I could sense his presence im so many things. Im also just greatful i had the courage to try. Traveling alone when you dont speak the language is not easy, but I am having fun.

It is not your fault! He's playing mind games. Don't let him do that to you! Just walk away and never look back cause this guy, is basically causing you emotional and mental abuse. Think how it would be if you actually got together! I don't think you'd want that. But even so, I want you to remember, you didn't do anything wrong, whatsoever! He's not Daddy material and this is something that happens more often then it should, for both sides of the coin. Hang in there! Not all Daddy's are like this. There are some really really good ones out there. You'll find the one (or he'll find you), you're suppose to be with eventually. It just takes patience. I hope you're okay. You came to the right place for help. Allot of people here have gone thru the same stuff and can help you.

Don't immediately blame yourself or think that it's somehow your fault. He sounds very inconsistent and quite unpredictable. Who would drive across states at the drop of a hat without even checking you'd be around or whether it's convenient for you? That's putting unnecessary pressure and worry on you and sounds like he's taking advantage of your feelings for him. Lies as well? Now he's ghosting you, not for the first time. Sorry, but you need to be clear with him next time you speak and tell him that this is unacceptable and, as BabyPoppy says, it's a big red flag. Please don't let this guy play you, or treat you this way. You deserve better, don't you?

i, too, often feel like i am too traumatized. i have endured so much in my life, and i am sorry you too, have endured. i found what has helped me most, with all the skills and tools i have gained and learned over far too many years, is interpersonal neurobiology. the woman i have learned most from really helped me rethink how i view my own trauma with a very simple statement: "trauma is a normal reaction to abnormal experiences." i don't know how or why exactly, but it changed so much for me to view my trauma not solely as just "bad stuff happened to me and now my brain and body are a mess," to "things i never should have experienced happened to me, and now i respond to things that remind me of these abnormal experiences i shouldn't have had to begin with in a way that makes sense for my particular relationship with trauma." also, please feel free to message anytime if you need a shoulder, a sounding board, or just an abyss to cry into. i personally have OCD and PTSD myself, and was misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder for several years. i'm not super well versed in CBT, but if you use DBT skills, i am always happy to participate (or learn skills you use!)

Hi friend! I have these thoughts a lot too and you put it so beautifully. I have CPTSD and as a fellow educator I'm sure you've probably heard of ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences). Out of 10 I score an 8. Science tells us so much about what these do to our bodies Anything over 4 comes with severely heightened risk of physical side effects. Without trauma my illnesses would not be as progressed as they are. I get angry about it too. Its harder for us. Those of us who have so much trauma that doing all the right things doesn’t always work even. We've missed so much. There's so much to mourn that we didn't get to have. But you're absolutely right. There's always a road to recovery. We need to meet ourselves where we're at and celebrate every step. Big. Small. Forwards. Backwards. I'll say what I always say. Trauma healing, particularly complex trauma, is not a straight line. It's more like a scribbled page one might see from a child. Not too different from the inner child we're trying to heal. Keep doing what you're doing! And remember backwards steps are still steps! You'll move forward again soon

This sounds very disconserting. Personally it seems like this is at his convenience and relationships of any kind shouldn't be about convenience. I am worried about you and these red flags. Please be safe. We are here if you need us.

I'm so sorry you're sitting in this situation. You deserve better. You deserve someone who will communicate at the very least. This is beyond the normal relationship issues of compatibility and baggage. Don't let your willingness to be a positive relational person lead you into being workable with unacceptable behaviors. I wouldn't work with this person.

^^ that’s a happy dance^^ I may actually be able to finish this if the take a class activity would be accepted if it were just the online portion of a course (but not the practical element). Is that ok @Juju @CoconuttyBuddy?

@babygurl397 I'm really sorry you're going through this. From what you've shared, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. If someone spends hours talking with you, tells you they're on their way, makes it seem like plans are happening, and then suddenly disappears without any explanation, it's understandable that you'd feel confused, hurt, and disappointed. The hardest part is often not having answers. Right now, your mind is probably trying to fill in the blanks and wondering if you somehow caused this, but the truth is that none of us can know why he stopped responding. His lack of communication is a reflection of his choices, not your worth as a person. Your feelings are completely understandable. Anyone would feel lonely, anxious, and upset in this situation. Be gentle with yourself while you wait for clarity. You deserve honesty, respect, and consistent communication from someone who cares about you. I hope you get answers soon, but regardless of what happens, please remember that his silence does not define your value as a person, sub or little. Sending you a big hug and hoping you're able to lean on friends, family, or others who care about you while you get through this. ❤️

I personally like that at the moment, it’s open and all activities are open to everyone regardless of if they are little or middle.. but I can also see an appeal to it being more this is little activities and this is middle activities.

Thank you friend! Excited to read with you again 💚

Got it. I will be traveling the first two weeks so maybe a bit behind.

This sounds kinda scary to me. Be careful. I think the inconsistency is a pretty big red flag. Keep yourself safe.

@Insanity_Stars_Birdie Thank you for your encouragement! I know about ACEs all too well from work, but recently had mine assessed formally at Mayo... I thought I was about an 8.... but when she did the full assessment, sge said I was a 10.... I cried... it was about a couple of months ago and I kinda shut down. I always told people I was a 4 - 6 depending on how well they knew me, because it really doesn't matter to most people. But to hear a psychologist ask all the questions and know as you're answering what they're saying about you is so overwhelming... then came questions about depression, anxiety, pain, OCD, mania.... but they were different at Mayo, deeper, more about why I felt the way I did, not just my symptoms... was the constant checking doors and windows being locked out of safety or out of a need to do the behavior... did I wash my hands immediately after getting home due to fear of getting sick because I did actually get really sick a lot, or because the act of washing my hands felt safe.... was I feeling sad and withdrawn all the time or primarily when my pain and health symptoms flared... All the pieces clicked onto place... I didn't have the hundreds of things the doctors worked to convince me of the past 25 years... I just had a really tough life, full of suffering and pain and I needed to be off 75% of the medications I was on, switch to more appropriate therapies, and build some in person social supports (fun). Thankfully I found the Forum here and all these wonderful people to be my online support community! I never would have made it through the past year without you! ❤️🥰 @bakedplushie Thank you for your support! I love DBT!!! I'm super awesome at distraction! Ummmm sorry I mean distress tolerance 🤭 and I think emotion regulation is getting better.... i would love to trade mindfulness ideas! Here we do relaxation for 30 minutes a day and I'm struggling! We do a movement group in the morning, too that's easier, but still difficult for me. I excell at deep breathing, but when I slow down to do it, I cry... which i need to do, but I don't like to do.... @Tendillo Thanks for the encouragement! I think everyone has struggles, but it is how we handle the journey that makes us who we are. @PocketDove I'm so sorry you have had similar struggles. Life is painful and unfair. I hope you have the support you need, and if not, I'll be happy to chat.... as soon as I complete therapy... 11 days til I go home.

Really well explained and I'm sorry for what you've had to overcome. I relate to a lot of what you're saying and just want to leave some good energy here for you. I hope you have the opportunities to breathe and take care of yourself this week.

Sorry been busy. Seen it on kindle I can down load the book now. After seeing this, though i have to start late and wait in tell the first of the month to get the book. But gotten lucky.

I don't claim to have much knowledge or experience of what you've endured , @BabyPoppy, but these words from @Insanity_Stars_Birdie struck a chord with me. I've often found that our route through life, to reach a particular destination, won't be a simple A to B, but seems to involve detours and challenges that feel so unwelcome and even unnecessary at the time, as we have to divert to other points to find our path, but... in the long run, even those seemingly backward steps are there for a reason, a lesson to learn or something helpful that we can only find by following those steps. We may not see the value of these detours at the time, but it eventually becomes clear in the longer run. We may see only a steep mountain to climb, but can find a more circuitous and ultimately easier way if we trust in ourself and keep believing.

Just got it from the library today!! ☺️

Movie Night begins in 5 hours

Movie night begins in one hour! https://hyperbeam.com/i/EpZlGEge

Poppy, I'm so proud of you! Your putting in the work to get better and choosing to be greatful in a trying time. Three big hearts for you! 🩷🩷🩷 ~💛 Pichu

🩷 I'm greatful that I got to rest to today! 🩷 I'm greatful that ate some food. 🩷 I am greatful that I have my stuffies.

@Pink_MyMelody @Fox H @Baby.M Ypu guys are the last three. Let me know when you grab the book so we can get started

I totally get where you're coming from. Trying to manage stress can be overwhelming. Have you tried breaking tasks into smaller steps? It helps me feel less pressured and more in control.

Thank you friend! Excited to read with you!

@Juju @beanbean Here are the three items for this badge. - Favorite Animal Paragraph - Sea Turtles Sea Turtles are a majestic endangered animal. There are seven species: Flatback, Green, Hawksbill, Leatherback, Loggerhead, Kemp's ridley, and Olive ridley. Of the 7 species only two are not considered endangered. Turtles live in all oceans except the polar regions, but are mostly located over continental shelves. They mostly live in seaweed mats. They do travel to beaches to lay eggs. Most turtles will only lay eggs on the same beach they were born on. These eggs are called clutches and in one season a female can lay up to 8 clutches. The gender of turtles is based on the temperature of the nest. Each type of turtle eats different items. Most are omnivours, but some like the Leatherback prefer Jelly fish. The Green Turtles become herbivours as they age. The turtles help keep sea grass down and allow for the space for other animals to breed. - color picture of sea turtles - Sea Shell Craft - I had a ton of shells in a cup from years of collecting, and now they are a pretty set up. I hope this counts.

Got it! ♥️

Got it! I am so excited for this read!

@Pink_MyMelody @RoseyLittle @Fox H @innerchildtml @SarBear55 @Baby.M Alright folks sorry for the wait but I have went ahead and voted and closed the poll and our next read is... Fairydale by Veronica Lancet!!! I am super excited for this one. It is a bit longer with some triggers but I have heard it is an amazing read. We will officially start next Wednesday! That gives yall a week to get the book. If you need more time let me know, in the meantime I will be wetting up all our Topics so check those out and if you have ANY questions big or small please don't hesitate to ask here or DM me. Once you have the book please comment GOT IT! So I know. Can't wait to read with yall! @Daddy Bear 77 I have taken you off the list for now. Please get in contact with me via DMs if anything changes

I found that pairing grounding techniques with some guidance from https://therly.ai/ , which offers an AI therapist, can be really helpful. It provides anonymous mental health support around the clock, helps you work through emotions, and teaches cognitive behavioral strategies. Plus, you get personalized advice based on your interactions. It's helped me to develop a few more coping strategies that fit well with grounding exercises.

I totally get struggling with plant care! For me, keeping a simple watering schedule on my phone helps. I've found that succulents and snake plants are super forgiving if I forget sometimes.

Just starting this. I do not have pictures of everything, but will load what I can when I can 1. Watch Fireworks - No picture, but my neighbors start firing them off middle of June. I saw them from my back yard 2. I made Smores at a camp out with my nephews. No pictures as they all had kids in them. 3. Read three books: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, Crecent City House of Earth and Blood, How the Necromancer in the Gold Vest Saved my Life, and several more. 4. Wear Flip Flops- Like every day and I just got my nails done. 5. Eat Ice Cream - I do this all the time. I love ice cream its the bestest. I had Snickers Ice Cream Bars, Blackberry cheese cake, dark chocolate, and all the flavors. 6. I have a ton of plants. The one in my window is a mess and takes a lot of water. It gets watered weekly. - **Post pic later** 7. I cleaned out my linen closet and donated the blankets, towels, and sheets I no longer needed to the SPCA, and both city and county shelters. I also was able to provide a rescue with exercise pins for their babies. 8. Clean Up after dinner. I live alone so the dishes only get done if I do them. 9. Wear Sunscreen. I am super fair skinned so I wear sunscreen everyday in my makeup and extra on days out at the zoo or trips. 10. I am so excited I had an arborist at the house to look at trees, and he told me I had pecans, bitter walnuts (not edible), wild plums, and even a chestnut tree. I was so excited as I had not idea. 11. Help a Friend. I was able to help a friends who runs a rescue by providing meds for some of her clients. 12 and 13. Dance with someone Special and Have a sing along. I love to turn on the music and sing with my grandson. We sing and dance and laugh. Its the best. More to come.

Wow! You're doing great! Can't wait to see the photos!

Hi @lillizzie24 Nice choices, and you'll be able to enjoy the popsicles and backyard bbq. Hope you enjoy the stargazing too, that's something I like to do as well 🌠

Today i am grateful for lotsa stuff! - I went for a 15 minute walk today! Outside! - I went to eat at a restaurant, by myself! I had to walk there and it felt good to eat a healthy meal and be around people while I ate! - I colored outside! - I talked with the hotel staff! - I went swimming in the hot tub! - I followed my schedule! It was a good day! Poppy 💕

@tendillo I am going to make popsicles, stargazing and a backyard

I'm grateful for @beanbean and his jokes! He makes me smile!

I am grateful for life and the opportunity to be able to live it

I am greatful for this forum I am greatful today was an alright day at work I am greatful it is the weekend I am greatful last week I got to see Daddy

I am grateful for good appointments this week and time to rest when I got home! I am grateful I made phone calls and completed applications and took care of hard stuff yesterday and today. I am thankful for my little friends here on the forum. They help me have fun.

Phew, finally managed to get this up! Huzzah. Thank you so much for another great round of book club everyone and @PigtailPrincess! Really appreciated how you helped us get through it even with the forum struggles. We've got such a beautiful, dedicated community!

I have the same, and the decision fatigue is awful. The meds do help. I will also say I stick to make.list of things I can and cannot manage and then make the rest as easy as possible. Making meals simple by doing meal orders or after work activites as simple as possible ahead of time prevents some of the fatigue. If you ever just want to talk about it feel free to message me.

There’s no words I can add to the group wisdom here which is so beautiful - so I just wanted to take a moment and just let you know what a gladiator you are. And not from a place of toughing it out, we are sometimes our most courageous when we our vulnerable and when we allow ourselves grace and compassion. You are being so brave and kind to yourself. A colleague once showed a spoken word poem about anxiety group by Catalina Ferro (hilariously in our group therapy program) and it always stuck with me even years and years later. The reminder that the crushing driving force behind anxiety is the desire to be okay, to live, to be accepted, to do a good job, to be safe. And the way those who walk with it in their every single day are such warriors. I’ve put it in a spoiler box because it has swear words in it, and dark humour in terms of anxiety, therapy, and other various mental health struggles. So I wanted folks to have trigger warning on that. But it’s also powerful at the end. ♥️

@marshmalloww Thank you so much for sharing this, it takes a lot of courage to put words to something that feels so heavy and confusing. What you’re describing makes so much sense, and you’re definitely not alone in this. That moment of realizing “oh… this isn’t how everyone feels” can be both relieving and deeply painful. Feeling calm for the first time and grieving the years you didn’t have that is a very real and valid response. Nothing about that makes you crazy, it makes you human and aware. It’s also incredibly common for anxiety to spike when you start therapy and begin working through trauma. You’re loosening long-held coping mechanisms and your nervous system is learning new ways to exist, which can feel overwhelming and exhausting. The shoulders-up-to-your-ears feeling is such a familiar sign of how much your body has been carrying for so long. Being competent, decisive, and high-functioning at work while feeling undone by “small” things at home is something so many people with GAD experience. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or inconsistent, it means you’re using a tremendous amount of energy to hold things together during the day. Decision fatigue is real, and it’s okay to need softness and simplicity when you get home. Accepting the label can feel frustrating, enlightening, and grief-filled all at once. That tension you’re feeling around acceptance is part of the process, not a failure of it. You’re learning how to meet yourself with more honesty than you ever had space to before. As for “toughing it out,” many people find that the real shift comes when they stop trying to be tough and start practicing gentleness instead, letting rest be productive, letting emotions exist without fixing them, and speaking to themselves the way they would to someone they love. Progress isn’t linear, and the days that feel harder don’t erase the work you’re doing. You’re doing something incredibly hard, and you’re doing it thoughtfully and bravely. Please know that many of us have walked this path and recognize exactly what you’re describing. Be patient with yourself, healing is slow because it’s deep. And you’re already moving forward, even on the days it doesn’t feel like it. Keep up the good work and best wishes!💛

Hi hi You're very welcomed. I should update my op to also mention that PCOS/PMDD often get misdiagnosed as BPD/Bipolar in women/AFABs. But I lack energy atm. So if you have PCOS OR PMDD, check for things like mood swings vs time of month. Please keep doing the work to keep track of your symptoms. ADHD has overlooked/lapping symptoms with mental conditions as well as concentration problems caused by medical issues. I hope you feel better! None of these conditions are a walk in the park. Friendly reminder; I'm not a professional healthcare provider.

I have been stuck in my head this week with all the therapy I'm doing and I'm starting to wonder if I've just had too much trauma to be "typical"? I'm incredibly self-aware, I've done all the therapies, seen all the professionals, providers, learned all the science, the skills and supports necessary to recover. Currently I'm training my body to relax and calm down during stressful situations, something I need, but I'm also finding out how much all this trauma, stress, pain, and suffering have destroyed my physical body. I am trapped in the consequences of other people's bad choices and I feel angry!!!! Something I haven't felt before... I'm good at forgiveness, grace, mercy, understanding, compassion, but anger? Sadness? Regret for the loss of safety I rarely experienced? Is there too much trauma? Too much to overcome? Too much to truly recover from and be healthy? The short answer is no... I just need to accept where I'm at abd set my expectations appropriately. But the grieving is so painful. I missed so much, and now it looks so overwhelming. Poppy 💕

If a dom played me along like he enjoyed me but we were long distance and i ended up not hearing from him for a while and then out of no where he responded to me and said hey I am driving across multiple states to see you and we talked while he was driving the whole time and i was under the impression we were making plans but suddenly he wont pick up the phone or answer on the day he was supposed to show up and now im sitting here wondering if it was my fault and really depressed. Is it my fault? I am just confused, lonely and distraught so confused.

@JujuI think this is going to be the first month I don’t get anything done. I haven’t even really started and everytime I try I just lose interest in 5 minutes (that’s with everything though not just this).

Thank you I had thought a very similar thing as well as huge inconsistancys and lies i caught him in i never said anything about it but whats sad is he truely made me fall for him and each time ghosted me it seems like its super intentional at this point to be fair. Thank you tho i do try to be super safe and cautious.