Hey, I'm Jenny and pretty new into ddlg so I can really get a good use of helpful tips and advice ^-^
I already informed myself about the stuff that includes ddlg but also know that everyone lives it out in his own way so i know there's no definite answer what you should and shouldn't do and say in your personal lifestyle.
I wanted to introduce my boyfriend a bit into the ddlg lifestyle since he's a natural dom in the bedroom, but I don't know what i could say or do to introduce it better. He doesn't has any problems to express his dom nature when it's nsfw time, but he is scared or dislikes the idea of the lifestyle aka. everything that goes outside of the bedroom.
I asked him once if I could get 2-4 rules to start it slowly but he already kind of ''flipped out'' because he says It's toxic to give rules to someone and to control a person like that and that he's not a manipulative person. I tried to explain that it isn't toxic or manipulative at all and that rules help little's to take care of themselves, to feel taken care of and that rules help to portray the dom/sub relationship if you decide to follow the rules or not and get consequences by that. I also tried to explain that the sub is not literally being controlled and manipulated because the sub can always say safe-words and tell the dom to stop with punishments etc. if the sub isn't in the right mind space for it. But then he said stuff like rules are useless and not necessary if the sub can jump out of it anytime anyways if the sub has the power to decide over that. So explaining it is a bit difficult and it would be nice to get tips how i can chose my words to explain it better so that he gets a better concept of it. I had a toxic relationship with my ex and got seriously controlled and manipulated so maybe he's scared to end up like my ex to become a bad person, but i can't choose good arguments and words to express the concept better. And he probably has prejudges over bdsm relationships in general, so i would like to get him to know what it's really about so maybe when he understands it better he wouldn't be so blindly against it.
I specially talk with my boyfriend in English and it's neither his nor my native language, why choosing the right words can be difficult depending on what i really mean to say and how he can receive the information. But we communicate perfectly in English and there's no language barrier by the way! So it's just about how i could form my sentences in a way that it can't get understood in the opposite way ^-^
I also have no problem if ddlg isn't his type of thing, but i would at least like to try it out a bit since he said he likes experimenting, but everything that gets outside of the bedroom is for him already too much so i brought up the idea to do the ''lifestyle'' part into a type of foreplay, but there isn't much foreplay time either, just when we tried out pet play there was a long foreplay session. So yea, it's quite difficult ^-^
Should i just better accept that he doesn't want any lifestyle part of ddlg and not try to at least introduce him more into it and not even to experiment a bit before he can be saying a definite no?
Maybe it can be that I am pushing him into it without realizing that, so you can openly tell me your opinions!
Btw we both are monogamous so if I can't live our the lifestyle part of ddlg with him i also can't do it with somebody else, even if it wouldn't include any type of nsfw stuff. That would be already considered cheating or committing a relationship in his eyes so i also accept that and wouldn't try to search a daddy for the mindset only.
At least when we watch cartoons together or cook (well he's the cook because I'm terrible at it but I'm a little assistant handing him the spices he needs or doing stuff that doesn't involve hot oil or the pan!) i can get into little space and there he doesn't has a problem with me being a little, it's just that there's not the real caregiver relationship between us and it's no difference to being a little at home alone or with him if he doesn't interact with me in a daddy way, specially since I need a lot of attention while in little space so i cope with a lot of cuddles instead of being able to get baby talked to, pet, to draw/play together, get praised, remembered of my rules and tasks, etc. ^-^
Sorry for such a long text, but i tried to explain the situation as detailed as possible :3